Theoretical Equals Factual

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 2 months, you've probably heard about the whole 'Russia Invades Crimea' thing. Dozens of newspaper articles have reported on the numerous deaths resulting from the conflict, and some conservative politicians (coughJOHN MCCAINcough) have seized the opportunity to hold Obama accountable.

The problem is that we don't know as much about the facts as we think we do. According to this article from Newsmax, 

Details of the fighting remain sketchy. A statement from the administration of the eastern Donetsk region indicated the security officer may have been killed between Slaviansk and the nearby town of Artemivsk. Putting the number of wounded at nine, it said "an armed confrontation" was going on in the area.

Reading this, I couldn't help but think of a passage from Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five. Set in WWII, the novel tells the tale of Billy Pilgrim and his experience in the Dresden bombings. At this point in the book, Billy is enlisted as a Chaplain's assistant and playing on his little organ when an umpire appeared to inform the congregation of the war's current status. 

"There were umpires everywhere, men who said who was winning or losing the theoretical battle, who was alive and who was dead. 

The umpire had comical news. The congregation had been theoretically spotted from the air by a theoretical enemy. They were all theoretically dead now. The theoretical corpses laughed and ate a hearty noontime meal."

It seems a bit strange that real life news reports are so similar to a novel that is a satire. Americans have a tendency to jump to conclusions before we have all the facts. The news that a theoretical security officer was theoretically killed is good enough to cement our opinions about the ongoing conflict.